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TWO
Mike shoved his old kit bag hard into the locker. He really didn’t need all its contents, not for this job, but he had been taught to expect the unexpected at all times, and once something was learned, it stayed with him like another layer of skin. He could hear the two men behind him whispering, and knew they were talking about him. This didn’t bother him. He knew they thought he was different from them, and he was. He was better.
He straightened his tie, gazing at his pale features in the rust-spotted mirror. His thin lips looked lost in the square, clean-shaven jaw. His dark brown hair was close cropped, as it had been for the last twenty-odd years. He leaned forward, looking carefully into his own eyes, as he did every day.
‘Hey Mike, you see that Lisa from Next this morning? Skirt the size of a belt!’
‘Nah, Joe, Mike’s into the quiet ones, isn’t that right?’ said Louie, cracking his knuckles.
Mike turned round and stared into the security guard’s eyes. Louie swallowed and looked away, a pink stain invading his cheeks.
Mike’s lips widened into a smile that never reached the rest of his face. He walked past his colleagues and into the early morning silence of the mall.
This was not quite the job he had in mind for himself when he left the mob, but it was strangely satisfying. The long hours walking the air conditioned corridors, so mind-numbingly tedious to the other security men, he spent staring intently at the shoppers, picking out potential shoplifters by the way their eyes shifted away from him. The kids were the easiest. He could almost smell their guilt, the thrill-sweat on their skin as they made off with their prizes. The terror in their eyes as they looked up into his made him feel good; in control. He obeyed orders, took the miscreants to the basement where the police were called, although if he had his own way, it would be very different. Oh yes.
He walked along the corridors of the mall, following his daily routine, as the early morning shoppers browsed and bought, ignoring him. He listened to the litany of footfalls on the cool tiles, the mingling of muzak from the various shops, the giggling gossip of the shop girls, more alive now than they would be after a whole day working here. It was comfortable, reassuring.
At exactly six minutes to ten he reached the top of the second floor stairs. Up here in the dim light the shops had a sad, tired feel about them. Not many people bothered to come up here these days, the prime sites were all down below. Mike came as usual to the china shop: City of Glass, and here he stopped, looked slowly and carefully around, and checked his intuition for anything untoward in the air. Then he looked into the window at the brightly lit crystal and china, all of it delicate and vulnerable. His particular favourite was a unicorn made of clear glass, its single horn the colour of clear water flowing over pebbles. He knew if he were ever to hold that unicorn, it would break into a million deadly shards. His hands shook at the thought of touching something so fragile, of it belonging to him.
He tore his eyes away from the figure and looked through the window to the counter within, where Tess was gift wrapping a box for an old woman. He watched their lips move as they exchanged pleasantries, Tess, smiling as she always did, a strand of her rich dark hair escaping
her pale cheek. He waited until the woman left the shop, then carried out his surveillance again before finally going in.
‘Oh, hello Mike,’ Tess said, still smiling. She had eyes as gentle and trusting as a doe’s. She was the human version of the unicorn, only this one he could hold without breaking.
‘Are you coming round tonight?’ She asked, looking at him shyly. He loved the way she seemed embarrassed by the suggestion. He smiled, and this time it reached his eyes.
‘Sure,’ he said. His first word that day.
*
Tess sat at her dining room table, watching Mike eat.
‘This is really good,’ he said, between mouthfuls. Tess smiled.
‘Glad you like it.’
He looked up at her, eyes as fathomless as ever. Even when he smiled, he held most of himself back.
‘You wore my favourite dress.’
Tess looked down at her lap, touching the pale blue fabric. She always wore the dress. Wearing anything else wasn’t worth the silent disapproval that ensued. She struggled to think of something to say.
‘The men came to replace the glass yesterday.’
‘Yes, I saw.’
She sighed. Of course he had.
‘Mrs Dennis went on for ages about the cost. I don’t know why, it must have been covered by insurance.’
A week or so ago, vandals had broken into the mall and thrown concrete rubbish bins at random shop windows. The toughened glass didn’t smash, but instead shattered into a huge spider web of light. Tess’s boss, who had a permanent padlock on her purse, had been furious.
Mike said nothing, and Tess stifled another sigh.
‘So, did you have a quiet day?’
He shrugged. ‘I didn’t catch anyone stealing.’
‘The shoplifters must have all stayed home,’ she said with a bright smile.
‘I doubt it.’
She turned away from his hard blue eyes, and began to clear the dishes. As she reached for his empty plate, his hand snaked out and touched her arm. She looked at him, and saw he was staring at his own fingers stroking her skin, his mouth open, his eyes now wide and curious, like a child’s. As if aware of her gaze, he looked up into her face, and tried a smile. She smiled back, as he stood up and put his arms around her.
He was always gentle, but she never felt reassured. She knew he would never hurt her, but there were worse things. Every morning Tess looked at her thirty-one year old face and told herself it was time to move on, and every night she went to bed without having had the guts to do it.
She took his hand and they walked upstairs to her bedroom, where he banished the colony of teddy bears from her bed with one sweep of his arm. She lay down, pulling him with her, kissing him and reaching under his T shirt to touch his skin. He sighed, his fingers reaching to pull up the dress. For a moment she thought he was going to tear it, and an excited thrill ran through her, but instead, he let it go, and left her alone while he took off his own clothes. She sighed, doing the same. In the dark, she felt him come inside her, and heard him gasp as if he had never done this before. It was all over very quickly, and she lay there afterwards, looking at the streetlight outside, listening to his breathing becoming regular again.
‘You are wonderful,’ he whispered, after she had thought he was asleep. The words filled her with dread.
‘Mike?’ She leaned on her elbow, facing him. When he looked at her, she hesitated, but in the dim light, she couldn’t see his eyes, and that gave her strength.
‘Have you had many girlfriends?’
There was a long silence. ‘Why are you asking me that?’
‘I don’t know. I just wondered. We don’t know very much about each other, you know.’
He moved away from her.
‘I know you were in the army, but that’s all-’
‘You don’t want to know more about me,’ he said. He reached for her hand and squeezed it so tightly she winced.
ONE
December 1989
‘Lewis, this tea is shite.’
December 1989
‘Lewis, this tea is shite.’
Lewis grinned as if this was the greatest compliment. And what a grin it was. He had a mouth that seemed to fill up half his young face, and teeth that seemed far too many even for such a mouth. ‘I thought you liked my brew,’ he said.
‘Donno’s right,’ Billy said. ‘It’s fucking crap. Tastes like nothing.’
‘Anyone want any more?’ Lewis said, picking up the bivvy tin. Mike held out his cup. ‘I’ll have some.’
Donno and Billy laughed, and the sound echoed, breaking the silence of the woods. Donno pulled out his tobacco pouch and began to roll up a cigarette.
Billy pushed a stick into the fire. ‘This is such a doddle,’ he said. ‘How many times have we done this now?’
‘Five,’ Donno said, drinking his so-called tea.
Lewis picked at a ripe spot on his chin. ‘This island’s new, though.’
‘Yeah, it’s bigger. There might even be deer.’
‘Yeah, Donno, like you’re going to kill a deer.’ Billy sniggered.
‘I never mentioned anything about killing one,’ Donno said, his voice hesitant. ‘I’ve never even seen a deer.’
No one replied. None of them had.
‘Well, anyway,’ Billy went on, wrapping his jacket around him against the December cold. ‘Survival training? It’s a fucking doddle.’
‘You’re complaining?’ Lewis said. ‘Like, you joined the army to get shot at, rather than sit around with your mates drinking tea?’
‘Think I’d rather get shot at than drink this tea,’ Donno said.
Mike grinned, leaning on his kit bag. He was the youngest of the four, although none of them knew it, they thought he was eighteen, same as them.
They fell into a companionable silence, as the woods around them began to fill up with dusk. Their tents had already been set up, but no one was in a hurry to sleep. Donno drew hard on his skinny cigarette, just as a twig snapped in the trees to their left.
All four froze, slowly turning their heads to the source of the sound. This island was uninhabited, or so they had been told. Mike gently released the catch on his belt holster and pulled out a darkened blade. In the silence, another twig snapped, and he heard Billy take a surprised breath.
Through the pale trees, dark shapes moved, lithe and swift and cautious. Billy let his breath out slowly, as they watched the deer move quickly through the birch woods. Even when the animals had long gone, the four friends stayed rooted to the spot, staring silently into the trees.
And then it began to snow.
Mike looked up at the thick flakes drifting through the silence, and knew deep in his soul that this was the happiest moment of his life.
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